Let's see

I've noticed, recently more than ever before... That I am always the one reaching out to people first.. the initiator.

The few people I reach out to, I care about... But I am in a constant state of guilt also. Feeling I am just a burden to them, that the weight I carry is mine alone and they only speak to me to humor me.

So... Let's do a test. I'm gonna stop... If someone reaches out first I will gladly engage, I won't push anyone away.. but... I'll simply stop being the initiator.

I expect a lot of loneliness, and I expect a deafening silence. But.... I do not expect to hear from anyone.

Just goes back to my earlier post... Nowhere to go, I don't matter.