A simple question

Published on 13 August 2024 at 17:39

With G coming in a few days.... N asked me if I could vacate the house for a weekend... She called it my "free weekend."

I...... Don't want a free weekend

And worse... I simply have nowhere to go. My father has a car, to which I am very allergic... I can survive there if needed, a fact I learned when she kicked me out about a year ago now... 

Other than my father... I simply have nowhere to go. 

She said she wants to speak to her father without me here... To what end I have no idea.

The simple question forced me to face reality... I reside in a place where... Nobody wants me around... A few can stand me for short doses.. only Eve seems to put up with me... But... She's 6, so it's a bit different.

No adult wants me around, it just hammered at me, very hard.

I dunno... It's just hard, and it all boils down to my biggest problem... That ever known, oft-ignored fact.... I'm not good enough.

Maybe I'll drive away and sleep in my car for a day or so .. We shall see.

We get what we deserve in the universe, and I've very firmly come to believe I deserve nothing.

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