Day was going ok. Got on top of a ton of work things.. was going to Costco to get Eve her nuggets and some popcorn.
Guess I made mistake of asking N if she needed anything .. lead to a barrage of texts... Telling me how I go to the store too often, how I suck at planning, how I should stop asking her on the spot, so on and so forth.
And there goes my good mood.... Whoosh, faster than Monica on Bill.
Standing in Costco, staring at my phone in disbelief like "what the actual fuck?"
So, I take a breath and simply say "..... Ok then"
To which I am told now I am making her the bad guy and to just leave her alone.
Living with someone with narcissistic tendencies is seriously exhausting.
But it's ok, I don't matter, I forgot that... Didn't let it rule my mind for a bit. I'll shrink myself, reduce myself, so N can be ahead. I'll take the back seat, it's formed to my ass-cheeks by now. It's all I am good for anyway.
I forgot my place. The lowest form of lifeform I can think of is bacteria.... I feel like the stuff bacteria consumes to feed. I feel that small, that worthless, that unworthy.
I went to get a haircut and as I sat in the chair... I had to stop myself from apologizing to the pretty young woman who would be cutting my hair. Why you may wonder? Because shed have to be near me, physically touch me, talk to me...because I feel bad that she has to do that, she deserves better... I just need a haircut very badly, I'm sorry you had to do it pretty lady.... But thank you for not laughing, not mocking, not judging... At least not openly. I am sure you did in your head, and I don't blame you... I don't matter.
Why the hell did I get out of bed today again?
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